As a child, I grew up loving Michael Jackson. I remember being around the age of 4/5 and my dad had this Michael Jackson tape of a concert. I’m not sure what concert it was, but everytime I watched it felt like I was right there. At the end of the concert, Michael Jackson got on this thing that took him up in the air as he waved by to the crowd, and as those people cried, little o’ me cried as well. The only way for me to stop crying is for my dad to just keep replaying the tape. I wonder what happened to it, but I think Michael Jackson is the reason why I’m so intwined with music right now. He was a great man, and artist. Besides the people who hated on him, I was never one of those people because you dont want to wish or say anything bad on anyone because we never knew the real reason behind his story. We never knew the real reason as to why he looked the way he did and people made fun of it like it was a joke. Michael Jackson will be missed deeply. There will never be another like him. My heart and prayers go out to the whole Jackson family.

I know I was been pose to post a blog, but I’ve just been mind tracked and if I have not returned your comment yet , I will be doing so asap.

When it comes to you and your relationships how far are you willing to go when your deep in love with someone who means the world to you?

I wanted to write about this topic because I always been the type of woman, whom always set standards in my relationships right when they start. I am not the type of woman that will let a man walk all over me like I am his child instead of his partner. One thing that really gets to me is when I see someone whom states that they are so in love - yet they let their love blind them reality. I feel like once a man put his hands on you - and how many times he apologizes and says he sorry - it does not take from the fact that he probably would put his hands on you again. I’m not going to put this all of men because I have had a fair share of male’s say how their girlfriends put their hands on them also. I just do not feel its right to sit around and tolerate someone saying they love you and causing you pain at the same time. Some people say love is pain, but I feel love is so much more then that. No one deserves to be beating, abused and etc when it comes to love. Then you ask alot of people why wont they just get their stuff together and leave, and they main answer is “I love him, I’m in love or he’s the father of my children.” Then when it comes to them saying that I dont feel sorry for them anymore. To me love is a beautiful thing and its so much more then what people make it to be. I dont know certain people situations on why they act like this, and accept all the of the pain, the abuse and etc. so that’s why I am asking everyone what is their point of view. How far should relationships go when it comes to love? When it comes to your relationships what are you standards you set before falling deep in love with someone?

I was involved with a situation, I admit it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I really loved this person so much, I mean he could put a smile on my face with just him smiling. It came to a point, I wasn’t happy with the direction the relationship was going. I felt like a fool, I was letting him all over me. I was letting him do what he do, and then come to me when he felt like it. This was not normally me and how I’ve acted but yet I was blinded by love. I’ve allowed him to treat me a way I never allowed anyone to treat me before. Then it hit me, I couldn’t do it no more, and no I am not going to sit up here and lie, yes I didnt cry at the point. Then when I realized I was lonely and by myself I did cry. I didnt cry because I broke up with him, I missed the good parts about him, about how it was when we first started talking. He has this perfect little country accent, okay enough about me reminiscing lol! But yeah I realized that wasn’t me, and
I couldn’t allow him to come back into my life. It’s crazy how he’s always on my mind now.

My life been depression, stressful, and full of tears. My life will no longer be the same starting August 6th, and I’m not ready for change. I guess it’s all about becoming an adult and growing up. I am faced with a situation where I have no one in the world to depend on anymore but myself. I just dont think I’ll be able to do it anymore and sometimes I just sit in my room and think and cry myself to sleep at night, just hoping that I can find a way to get through the hard times. I’ve been trying to seek help through a pastor I’ve met a couple months ago, he’s been sending me prayers, and that’s when it hit me. I’ve been HELPING and making sure everyone else had what they needed and been putting my self, my life my everything
on the back burn. Ask anyone that knows me I never ask for anything and I guess that’s what hurts me more because I’m here and people think I’m just so happy and I’m not. I cry so much when I’m alone, I try to be strong and put a smile so others wont think anything is wrong because when I try to explain no one understands me and where I am coming from. I have no one to talk to and that’s why I have all this pain and emotion built up inside of me because of that!

Oh yeah another thing I can say I’m proud of in life is that my little brother went off to college this past week! We finally got our puppy black here. I’ve been meaning to blog about him, but always forget. He’s 9 weeks, and already so spoiled and cute. He likes to sleeps in people bed, but I’m not going for him sleeping in my bed just yet until he get all his shots and etc. We call him Black because he has a black eye lol, it sounds funny saying that but he does. I posted a picture of the side so people can see what he looks like.

The official Soulja Boy fansite is going great. I’ve did my first interview for my new mass media marketing company, which
I have yet to open because I know right now I dont have the time to open and manage 3 websites. I did my first order for my online portfolio, and I must admit it felt good to design something for someone else and get paid for me. Everything is going good on my online life with the exception I dont talk to anyone anymore and yes I’m always on twitter. So if you have a twitter page follow me and I’ll follow you back! Oh yeah someone from BET had emailed me and wanted me to let people know about Soulja Boy The BET awards that comes on June 28th at 8pm EST! She sent me over some banners for the BET Awards, and I didnt add them to the SB site because they didnt have him on there so yeah I’m a plug it in here

I’m going to blog later. There is so much stuff I have to talk about. Anyways, I saw this and liked it!!!!

JUDGE ME!
I’ll prove you wrong
There’s always someone who will Doubt me
Someone who wont trust me
Someone who wont believe in me
Someone to LIE on me
Someone who will talk bad about me
But I stand strong knowing that in time i will only prove them wrong
And i thank god for those who will be with me through it all
I’ll out live every LIE
Reach every goal
And Exceed ALL expectations
I’ll Live my life to the fullest
And wont have any Regrets…
Because Mistakes Ive made helped shape WHO I AM
Above all that’s the only thing I can be
So…
TAKE ME AS I
Love me or Hate me…
But Above all RESPECT Me
Because this is the WOMAN I’ve become.

Do you feel it’s wrong for a man or woman, to date while their still legally married - but separated? Do you blame that person for wanting to move on with their life or that they shouldn’t date until the divorce is finalized?

I was reading an interesting post - on another blogger website. Do you feel its wrong to move on with your life, knowing your still married was part of the discussion. I personally do not feel it is wrong if you are in the process of a divorce. Now if you are still married and is doing nothing to get out of that situation, of course. How can you move on with your life is you are still married and are not taking any steps to get out of that situation - you can fall in love but you cant marry that person because your still married.

You can not blame someone for wanting to move on with their life. If they sit around and wait for a divorce to be finalized then they are letting their life go by. I believe every person deserves to be happy one way or another. The other person - can not get mad because you decided to move on with your life and you all are not together. I was in a similar situation about a year ago. Yes, I was dating someone who was and still is married to this day. He told me he was getting a divorce (which later on I found out to be a total lie). I just did not feel right at first knowing that he was married, and argued constantly with my mother about the situation. That’s how everyone look at it, how can you be with someone who is M-A-R-R-I-E-D! I did feel bad, but I mean they were separated or so I thought at the time.

I feel it is the other person fault they cant move on. You can not hold someone from doing what they want to do. You can not stop someone from cheating, stop someone from meeting new people, so of course you cant stop someone from moving on with their life. You look at it, and if you think the person who get pointed as the bad person, is the person who is in a relationship with the still-married person. Which I personally feel is wrong, its not like its their fault the person is going through a divorce - if it is they fault yeah I do believe it’s wrong. If they got with that person AFTER the fact, then I do not believe they have the right to be blamed for anything.

I want to personally say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of the mother’s out there.